Comedy Song: Viking

I wrote this when I was about to enter the job market and was dismayed by the unromantic options placed before me. It's pretty silly- but there are nuggets of true disillusionment buried in there. And, in performance, it gives me the opportunity to wear my giant, plastic-horned helmet.

Viking

My parents said that since I'd graduate within the year
That I should go and see this guy to council my career
So I went downtown and shook his hand and took his silly test
He gave me back a list of all the things I could do best

He said I could be talented at geriatric care
Or maybe data processing or VCR repair
I said, "sorry sir, your list sounds nice but it has got some holes
In thinking of my future, I have set some different goals"

I'm gonna be a Viking
Out where the life is fine
I'm gonna be a Viking
Without a credit line
Rape and pillage
Sack a Village
Sail the ocean blue
I'm gonna be a Viking
And that's what Vikings do

Well, that sounds pretty nice there said the man there in the suit
But it's hard to get a mortgage when your only asset's loot
I said Honey, who needs mortgage? Long as I can kill a boar
I always will provide well for my children: Sven and Thor

I'm gonna be a Viking
Just like a real man
I'm gonna be a Viking
Without a dental plan
Burn a fort
Then cavort
With horns stuck in my hat
I'm gonna be a Viking
And that, my friend, is that

And I won't need any savings because when I retire
They'll put me on a barge and set the whole damn thing on fire
And I won't need to leave nothing to my grief-struck family
My wife, my dog and children will be burning up with me
That's how it's gonna be

I'm gonna be a Viking
I'll carve my boat from wood
I'm gonna be a Viking
Don't you wish that you could
Throw a spear
Club a deer
Your word would be your rule
I'm gonna be a Viking
A Viking
We all want to be Vikings
Cuz Vikings are so cool